Getting inside a womans mind.

How to get inside a womans mind is something all men have been pondering for many years.

When I was writing my book 'Manboobs & Hair a seriously irreverent Look at Male Menopause (Andropause)' I asked many men of my age if they were ever able to understand women.

Listed below are some of the responses:

  • Spoke to Charlie my Chinese mate and he couldn't answer me, he just said his wife was from Shanghai, how anyone could understand a Chinese woman is a miracle.  When questioned further he did say that an old wise man told him that when you get married it is very easy to get inside a womans mind. Just iron your own shirt and put a scorch mark on it.  Your wife will immediately ban you from doing any housework including ironing. Charlie said it worked as I haven't done any for years, not even the cooking.
  • John an aboriginal fisherman from North Queensland had a very practical answer when I asked him if he knew how to get inside a woman's mind.  He said 'understanding women is like playing Russian roulette with a crocodile.  The crocodile always wins'.
  • Gary from Orange in N.S.W.  Warning bells ring when she says 'I'm fine' It's a time to be on your guard, this is the only time that we know what's going to happen next.
  • Spoke to a group of my veteran motor racing mates about understanding their wives.  They all agreed that driving old race cars was more predictable.
  • There playing mind games with you said Peter from Darwin in Australia.  No matter how trim her body is, she still considers herself overweight.  If you tell them the truth you are doomed, if you don't your still doomed and I'm not being masogonist when I say it.
  • The more I try get inside a womans mind, the more I love my Harley said a rider from the Ulysses Motor Bike Club, a group of senior motor bike riders whose motto is 'Growing old Disgracefully'.
  • When she comes out and shows you two dresses that she is considering wearing, take the advice that was given to me years ago by writer Alan Pease 'No matter what you wear you will always look beautiful to me'.  That's not the answer she was looking for, with the result that you will still be wrong.
  • Casually asked a man waiting for his wife at the shopping centre. Excuse me sir you look a very intelligent man could you please explain to me 'How do you understand a woman's mind?  He thought for a second and then said 'what he knew of getting inside a woman's mind could be written on the back of a postage stamp'.  Just then his wife walked out from the shops and he quickly revised the statement to 'half of a postage stamp'.

You can see every man seems to have the same problem in getting inside a womans mind, however 95 year old Max who I met recently at the Post Office may have given us blokes the answer.  He emailed me the rules that was given to him by his grandfather when he got married in 1936.

Here are the rules to get inside a womans mind:

1.  The female always makes the rules.

  • a)  The rules are subject to change at all times without notice.
  • b)  No male can possibly know all the rules.
  • c)  If the female suspects the male knows any of the rules, she may immediately change any or all of the rules.

2.   The female is never wrong.

  •  a)  If the female is wrong, it is because of a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male said or did wrong.
  • b)  If rule No 2a applies, the male must apologise immediately for the causing of the misunderstanding.

3.   The female can change her mind at any given point of    time.

  • a)  The male must never change his mind without express written consent from the female.

4.   The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

  • a)  The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
  • b)  The female must under no circumstances let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

You have my permission to reproduce these rules provided you acknowledge this website.

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